“My Father Danced” This poem is a rewrite from 2007, comments please?

tall babes
jenny asked:

Thanks to Neon, I feel it is quite improved, and now says what I wanted it to say.

My Father Danced

In nineteen and thirteen
my Father met my Mother
at a dance hall called
“Happy Jack’s”
My Father danced me
in his arms when I was a babe,
I learned to walk
he danced me on top his feet,
just as he did my sisters,three
before he danced with me,
When I grew tall he danced me ’round
many ball room floors,
Once I over heard a woman say,
“look at that short sugar daddy,
with that tall young pretty girl!”
we laughed and spun around.
My Father danced me as a bride
to “I’ll See You In My Dreams”
My Father danced my daughter
in his arms and on top his feet.
And then at eighty two,
his head upon death’s pillow,
I whispered, “Do you know that I love you”
he answered, “Yes I know,
you told me on the dance floor
a long, long time ago”

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Comments (9)    Posted in Poetry    

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9 Responses to '“My Father Danced” This poem is a rewrite from 2007, comments please?'

  1. Lindsey M - January 26th, 2010 at 7:47 am

    i think this sounds really really good*

  2. Law Man - January 28th, 2010 at 6:14 pm

    What a wonderful tribute to your dad. This read very well, and brought a smile to my lips.

  3. ma - February 1st, 2010 at 2:00 am

    Marvelous, absolutely marvelous.
    There was a time, long, long ago, when I danced atop my father’s shoes.

    ma

  4. Socrates - February 1st, 2010 at 10:39 am

    The music was great…
    …all the way to the very last line.

    .

  5. Intrusivosity With Medium Doubt - February 1st, 2010 at 7:38 pm

    I can hear the orchestra in your poem at
    “we laughed and spun around.”.

    Now Dance With A Star .

  6. neonman - February 3rd, 2010 at 1:39 pm

    Some edits first: Maybe add ‘before’ in line 7. Line 12 maybe add ‘and round’ for repetition of rhyme. Line 16 maybe add ‘as’.

    Now as to the poem. Really nice. Loved the ending as it brought it full circle and reinforced the love from your father to his daughters. You must have been blessed to have him as a Dad.

  7. Cilla*hairbunsaresexy* - February 5th, 2010 at 7:17 am

    This gave me chills and tears.
    WOW.
    I love the progression from dancing with your mother, to having you dance on his feet, to the father-daughter dances, to the marriage dance to the last dance. Wow again. This evoked a lot of emotion and it is VERY well written.

  8. kathwah - February 6th, 2010 at 10:27 pm

    Having lost my Dad..this sang to me..thankyou jenny

  9. autumlovr - February 10th, 2010 at 6:28 am

    This is simply beautiful Jenny. A most heartwarming piece and so well written. Kudos!!


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