Ok, So I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost about a year now, but sometimes I think he’s still not over his love from 5 years ago. They dated from age 16 to 20, took her virginity, and they had broken up because she had an abortion after 5 months of pregnancy. After that he said he had lost all feelings for her, and that they eventually drifted apart…I understand why he would be so hurt though. They also had little matching cross tattoos..

I wouldnt think this way if he didnt say some of the things he said.. Just little things, that I can honestly care less about, but I started to think different when I realized it was an on going thing..examples: I’d be looking through a magazine and point out this really pretty blonde girl, I’d be like **** look how pretty she is! He’s say oh, she looks like jacqualine! Oh just kidding ****.. We’d be watching a movie, He’d be like ugh, that looks like fucking jackie… I mentioned one time that I eat so much, and he’d say, oh its okay jackie ate like a horse..he’d be looking at me while we were driving, he grabbed my chin, I was like aw **** do I have a double chin? He was like hell no babe, jackie had a double chin…and times where we would fight over stupid **** he would always say, jackie used to do that fucking **** all the time, jackie did this, she did that, youre just like her blah blah blah. and a few days ago I found their prom picture in his wallet when he had TOLD me he took it out and ripped it in half..

Jackie is tall, blonde, white skin, I am short, tan, with black hair. She was a dancer, a cheer leader, gymnist, college… I am more on the punk rock side, going to beauty school, completely different from her… Sometimes I feel like I’m not as good as her. I feel he’s not over her and wished things didnt have to end that way.. It’s funny because I started dating him when him and his ex ashley had just broken up, and weirdly, he never compares me to her, hardly ever mentioned her name, I mean they had talked on the phone a few times, but eventually he stopped talking to her for good. I guess I only compare to his first love? I do trust him, he trusts me, we are faithful.. But, I still wonder, Why must I hear this name all the time? He tells me he loves me… I Just wish I can be ‘that’ girl. I feel like He wishes he can find that kind of love that he had before, I feel like he will never love me like he loved his ex. I guess she also had tried to get a hold of him a few months into our relationship. She had texted his little sisters phone, which was now my boyfriends phone number, she said, “hey do you think you can give me your bros number so we can catch up?” he replied back” I will tell him to call you”. He said he never called her or anything. Least that’s what he said.. I remember that day too, his reaction when she had texted him, although he didnt tell me this until way later, but I remember that day perfectly because his reaction was just, wow, like he was in shock almost… Makes me think, wow… And she being pregnant while engaged to another man, and trying to get a hold of her ex? Very low of her…

I don’t know, I’m sick of hearing her name, and that stupid tattoo is a little reminder, because I have to look at that crap everyday.. I dont want to be just another girl that will never compare to his first love..I feel like I’m wasting my time. maybe It’s my insecurities speaking, but, like I said, he made me think these crazy thoughts. First couple times I could give a damn, but it happening all the time, lead me to think crazy , and that, I’m just not what he truly wants..