Do you like the start of my book? ?

tall babes
me, myself, and i asked:

Chapter One
“Jack? Did you hear that?” Emma Grant poked her boyfriend, Jack Wallis, to get his attention. “Shhh! Emma, the whole point of T.P.-ing someone is to be quiet so they don’t here you. Also, revenge.” Emma rolled her emerald green eyes. “Oh, please Jack. So what if Morris Graves bumped into you in the hallway and you dropped your books. It’s not like he did it on purpose.” Jack turned around and stared at her with his intense blue eyes, his straight black hair in them. “Oh, but he did Emma. Don’t you get it? He’s been planning this since the third grade when I stole his Donald Duck pen!” Emma blew her curly, red hair out of her face with a sigh. “Yeah, that’s it Jack. He’s been plotting for nine years to get back at you by knocking your books down in the hallway. They don’t call him The Smartest Kid in the Senior class for nothing! It’s diabolic!” Jack grunted and opened the trunk to his brand new, top of the line, as expensive as it gets, truck. Jack’s parents were loaded, and it made Jack a little spoiled. Ok, a lot spoiled. But hey, Emma got the nicest presents around from him, including the diamond tennis bracelet he got her for their one year anniversary. “Seriously, Emma. Just because I’m richer than him and cooler and better looking, he has to pick on me?” Emma’s mouth dropped in disbelief. “What? Jack, last week you put him in the trash can for taking the last piece of carrot cake at lunch! “Hey, everyone knows carrot cake is my cake! My dad is the main supporter if this school, you now.” Emma knew. Oh, boy did she know. Jack did not let her forget that his dad paid for the new lockers, the new computers, the new lunch tables, the new desks, the new swimming pool, etc. Sometimes it got a little annoying, but Emma knew that deep down Jack was still the boy she had had a crush on since the 6th grade. He really was nice, but usually in private, not in front of his friends. ‘Gotta keep my rep up, ****. Your rep defines you, ****.’ Really, that’s all Jack cared about. His “rep”, and soccer. Jack was the best forward in the entire state of Georgia. He already had three scholarships waiting for him when he graduated and they were full rides, too, meaning everything was paid for. His dorms, his books, tuition, everything. Emma didn’t see the fairness in it, seeing as how his dad could pay for whatever college on Earth that Jack wanted to go to. Emma, on the other hand, had enough money to be comfortable, but she couldn’t afford a good medical school like she wanted. “Emma! Focus! Take some toilet paper and start throwing!” Jack held out a roll of toilet paper for Emma to take. She blew her hair out of her eyes again. “Jack, I’m not helping you. This isn’t right.” Jack continued to hold out the toilet paper. “Emma. Just do it. It’s not like it’s going to hurt him. Just a little revenge, that’s all.” “Jack! He was talking to a teacher and he didn’t see you! Who cares if he bumped into you? All you did was drop your books. It’s not like your hurt. It was accident and that’s all. You need to stop nursing your ego and get over it.” Jack glared at Emma for a minute, then turned around and threw a roll over the tree. Emma huffed and stormed off to the truck. She got in the passenger seat and slammed the door behind her. She tapped her fingers on the arm rest waiting for Jack to finish his ego-nursing. She stared at the clock as it changed from 10:26 to 10:27. Suddenly, her eyes became droopy as sleep overcame her.

Chapter Two
“Jack? Jack! Where are you? Jack?” Emma was running through a meadow of tall grass. All she could see for miles on all sides was grass that went up to her knees. She was running; running fast, and she had no idea why. She just had a feeling that there was a reason she should be. She tripped over her own feet and laid in the grass with her eyes closed for a minute, trying to gather her thoughts. When she opened her eyes, there was a red fox looking down on her. She screamed and stood up, backing away. The fox looked at her for a moment and then he spoke. “Emma Grant. Do not be afraid. I am here to help.” Emma screamed again and backed up even more. “You…what? Foxes don’t talk! I’m dreaming. I have to be dreaming.” The fox stepped closer. “Of course your dreaming, Emma Grant. I could not come to you in the human world.” “The…the human world? You live in the same world as humans do!” The fox moved towards Emma again. “Technically, yes. But not as you think. Foxes coexist with humans, but it is their world not ours. I, and a few others, have been given the power to talk, along with other things, to humans, but only when they are in great need of help. I have come to you in a dream to warn you of a great danger. A danger that cannot be stopped without help. That is why I am here. I came to you in a dream but this one time, for it is forbidden and I will be in trouble when I return. But I feel it is worth it to help you. You must understan
d the great danger!” The fox was now in front of Emma peering into her eyes, holding her gaze. She couldn’t look away; it was like she was in a trance. Finally, the fox broke the gaze and Emma was, for some reason, no longer afraid of the fox. She looked him in the eyes. “What is the great danger, Fox?” In the distance, a long howling, scream echoed. The fox turned around with fear in his eyes. He turned back and looked at Emma. “My leaders call me. There shall be much punishment for going against The Ancient Laws.” The fox turned toward the howl and was about to leave. “Wait, Fox! What is the great danger? How will you tell me if you can’t come into my dreams anymore. How do I know this isn’t just some weird dream from eating that triple fudge sundae?” The fox turned around and dropped a gold coin, that had a fox carved out of the gold in Emma’s hand from his mouth. “I shall bring you a message somehow. You won’t have to wait long. The message will come soon. Very soon. And with that
said, the fox turned, ran about 100 feet and evaporated into thin air. Emma ran after the fox screaming, “Fox! Wait! What is the great danger?” As Emma stepped over the place she saw the fox disappear, the meadow of tall grass gave way and she was falling; falling into a bottomless, black hole.
*sorry, ya i know i dont have the qoutations right. im planning on fixing it later, just writing the book now. so cld i plz jst have comments on the writing itself and not the grammer? Thanks!*






2 Responses to 'Do you like the start of my book? ?'

  1. Brian Sanders - April 7th, 2010 at 12:56 am

    Don’t like the (T P -ing), phrasing at all in the first part. Like (tipping) better.I don’t think You have all your quotation marks right especially in Chapter 2.
    Imaginative phrasing blends well with the plot though.

  2. marti - April 9th, 2010 at 11:38 am

    Wow giant paragraph. I can’t read a giant block of text, sorry. New paragraph for every speaker.


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