“Hey, Luke,” said my best friend James awkwardly, running a hand through his sandy brown hair. He looked at the ground for a moment before meeting my eyes. “Sorry about your mom. You know, if there’s anything I can do . . .”

I swallowed hard. It was my first day back at school after the funeral, and although it was good to see James again, I didn’t know how I was going to make it through the day. “Yeah,” I managed to say. “Thanks, James.”

He nodded uncomfortably. “So yeah . . . Are you coming to English?”

I followed him into the large brick building, towards our English classroom. The minute I walked in, everyone was silent. A few kids came up to me and said how sorry they were about my mother, and I just nodded tersely. What can you say to that?

Then I noticed her.

She was sitting in the third row of the classroom, her clear blue eyes scanning the room uneasily. She was slim and petite, with waist-length platinum blonde hair and clear, pale skin.

I knew the instant I saw her that I was in love.

Ambling over to the girl, I plopped into the seat next to her and said, “Hi.”

Her eyes widened when she saw me, but she relaxed after the initial shock. “Hi.”

“My name’s Lucas,” I told her.

She held out her hand shyly. “I’m Caitlin.”

“Are you new here?”

She nodded.

“Did you just move here?”

Caitlin hesitated for a moment, but before she could answer, Mark, whose seat I was sitting in, came up behind me. “Yo, dude. You’re sitting in my seat.” Mark was one of those guys who looked out of place at school. Heck, he was one of those guys who looked out of place without a cigarette dangling from his lips.

I got up and retreated to my own seat just in time to see Mark slip an arm around Caitlin. “Yo, ****. What’s a pretty girl like you doing talking to a loser like Lukie there? You wanna hang out sometime with me? I’ll introduce you to some cool dudes.”

She pulled away from him. “Leave him alone. His mother just died, for God’s sake.”
I looked over at her. How did she know my mother had just died? Did news spread that fast, even to the new kids? I sighed, but was comforted when Caitlin smiled at me. Boy, she was drop-dead gorgeous.

Our English teacher, Mr. Devili, trudged into the classroom. He was a tall, paunchy man with thick spectacles who had been teaching at our school for at least half a century. All of us wished he would just retire already, because he was easily the most annoying teacher of them all. With his monotone voice, he only had to drone on for ten minutes before we all lost interest and either started texting, reapplying makeup, picking fingernails, doodling, or sleeping.

“Hello, class,” drawled Mr. Devili. “Everyone take out your textbooks and turn to page 96.”

We heaved a collective sigh but obediently opened our textbooks. “All right,” said Mr. Devili. “Who read the poem for homework?”

I hadn’t, so I quickly scanned the poem. It was called Richard Cory and it wasn’t actually a bad poem, considering that it was part of the eleventh grade curriculum.

I tuned out as he spoke, instead focusing my attention on Caitlin, who was actually paying attention to Mr. Devili. Wow, a pretty girl who also cared about school! But something about her niggled me, although I couldn’t put my finger on what it was. She felt familiar somehow, even though I was just meeting her today. Something just wasn’t right.

I shook off that feeling and instead imagined what it would be like to run my fingers through that silky blonde hair.

James punched me lightly in the shoulder. “You like her?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t even know her. But boy, she’s hot!”

He laughed. “So talk to her. Ask her out!”

“Like now?”

“No, after class, you doofus! You don’t think Mr. Devili will be bothered by you randomly getting up and walking over to Caitlin while he’s teaching a lesson?”

I blushed. “Right.”

When the bell rang, I made my way over to Caitlin. She was gathering up her books. “Hey,” I said.

She looked up at me and smiled. “Hi.”

I cleared my throat. “Um, so . . . you think you might want to go out sometime?”

“Like a date?”

I flushed. “No, no, not like a date. Like for dinner. Or a movie. Or both.”

She smiled again. She was so gorgeous when she smiled – full lips framing such straight, shiny white teeth like in those dental ads you see on television. “Sure, Lucas. I’d love to go out on a date.”

My heart was pounding in my chest, but I tried to stay calm and cool. “Great,” I managed. “When are you free?”

“How’s Friday around six?”

“Sure. I’ll pick you up. Um, where do you live, exactly?”

She laughed. “You don’t need to pick me up. How about we meet at the park near your house?”

I goggled at her. “How do you know where I live?”

She shrugged. “Word gets around in such a small town.”

I was offended. “It’s not that small!”

“Smaller than where I’m from, anyways.”

“Where are you from?”

She opened her mouth to ans
She opened her mouth to answer, but then closed it. Shifting her books to her right hand, she checked her watch. “Um, I’m late for class. But it was nice meeting you Lucas.”

“Right,” I said, staring after her as she strode away, her long hair swishing from side to side as she walked.

I’m a 14 yr old aspiring writer. Is the beginning of this chapter good? How can I improve it?

Im 12 ALMOST 13, I wrote this so far. Is it any good?

PREFACE
There she laid, in the cold bitter meadow where the wind beat against her soft pale skin. If dying in place for a loved one was the way to her death bed, it satisfied her. The young girl’s visage was completely ghost like, light as ever, with slightly purple lips that blended into her torn shirt. Her eyes closed without effort and, her mouth opened enough to get the last bit of air she only wished to have. The snow fell on her body, like feathers falling from the sky. Why was she the victim of her mother addiction? Couldn’t somebody other than her take the pain? Did she know that if she didn’t open her mouth that she would never be… here, where she laid, in agony? There, the dark clothed man pulled the trigger.

CHAPTER ONE
Three sudden knocks tapped on the door, the only thing I dreaded the most about the weekends. Sunday morning was here, “this is going to be fun “I said sarcastically in my head. Mom slowly opened the door, just enough so I heard her soft voice. “Adela, It’s time to get up” She said in her beautiful voice. I shrugged and threw off my covers, and trudged to the bathroom where I began my day. I turned on the shower faucet to the warm setting, stripped off my clothes and hopped into the shower. I slowly lathered some shampoo into my long wavy hair, and washed out the foam seconds later. I sat in the shower thinking of a good excuse to not go to Sunday school, one popped into my head… it was brilliant! I couldn’t believe I never used this before. I kept repeating it several times in my head so I could not forget this, it sang in my head over and over again. Once I was done with that, I turned off the water and patted myself dry, and walked out. I wrapped my towel around me, and started heading to my room. When I got into my room I locked my door, and picked out a nice pair of tight jeans and my favorite purple tank top. I looked into my vanity and played with my wet hair till it seemed to be in the right place. I quickly drew a bold line along my eyes with my eyeliner. I went to my closet, found my best pair of flip flops, and ran down the stairs. “Hun, you don’t plan on leaving on an empty stomach do you?” My dad hesitated. I knew my dad was going to annoy me about this till I eat, so I placed a waffle in the toaster and looked in the cabinet for a paper plate and some maple syrup. Waiting for my waffle to cook, I found my nice sweater and slipped it on. My parents left the house, and waited for me in the car. All I hear is a loud pop and it felt like my heart skipped a beat, but it was just the toaster. I ran over to the toaster grabbed the waffle and tossed it onto the plate, and then I squeezed some syrup on the side and grabbed a plastic fork and knife. Quickly running to the car with my waffle, I realized I left my phone on the charger. So I run inside the house set my plate on the counter climb up the stairs to my room and snatched my phone and left. I jogged in my same path picked up my breakfast walked out to the car, and climbed inside the tall SUV. My mom and dad both looked back at me, “what?” I said with a smirk. They stared at each other and looked away while my dad pulled out of the drive way. A few seconds later my mom looked at again “Why are you wearing a sweater darling, its warm out?” “I thought my tank top revealed too much” I said with an attitude. We pulled into the coffee shop like always, and of course I just ordered my regular black coffee while my parents order some fancy named drink. Me, mom, and dad all surrounded a tiny table and pulled out our chairs and sat down. While I was sipping my coffee, I was thinking of my excuse and this is where it came in handy. I laid my head down on the cold table and cleared all my thoughts and focused on my excuse. Knowing mom with her anxiety she will investigate. “Babe, are you okay?” Mom whispered in the silence. “Mom I don’t want to go to church, I feel alone or out casted” “Well, if you want to go to heaven, I suggest you to go to church at every opportunity” They both didn’t know my secret that I guarded with all my heart, that I don’t worship a god, I am a full blooded atheist. Without mentioning that, I rolled my eyes and took a sip of the dark coffee. Minutes fly by without one word, so I tried to lighten the mood and got up and dumped my half full coffee into the filled trash bin. “Are we going to get this show on the road?!” “Yes dear, just wait a second.” Mom and Dad both got up and left headed for the door with their warm coffee in their hands. When we approached the door, a man in a black suit opened the door. He looked beat up, scratches on his face and light blue eyes, just like a wolf. They pierced at me, when we walked by. Dad’s visage was completely puzzled, stunned, or surprised; I couldn’t really make out his expression. Mom on the other hand looked disappointed, her head faced the floor like she did something wr
Well I thought about the line in the preface, and I changed it around.

“If dying for her mothers mistake was her last memory, then it satisfied her”

The wolf thing I didn’t do on purpose. The man actually is describing my best guy friends. His eyes are genuine.

Sorry for spelling errors.

You do not have to read all of this just a few paragraphs. Read it all if you like.
Just so you know

I don’t blame you or any one else, if you think I am normal. It is a fair mistake that any person can, and has made. After all I look normal; brown hair, blue eyes, and crème skin, you know, the works. It is not like I have a rabbit ears sticking out from the top of my head (if I do, please tell me right now). But the truth is I am far from normal, my whole entire family is far from normal… at least what is left of it. But just so you know, for your own benefit I will let you in on a small little secret. My family is psychic. I am a psychic.
Now, please, I know what you are thinking, seriously I do. But believe me when I say psychic I do not mean stupid crystal ball stuff but like powers. Like… superpowers! Like walking through walls, x-ray vision (avoid at all costs), and mind reading… like me.
I am a mind reader, so right now I know what you are thinking “This ***** is psycho.” Most likely. But it is not my fault. It is just everyone on my mom’s side of the family, and dad’s side of the family, are psychics. It is a thing that runs in genes mostly. I know other psychic families too, but that I can talk about later, now I need to tell you something of importance.
Right now the government is bad with a capital B. And I know some of you are just thinking “Thank you very much Miss. Point-out-the-complete-and-total-obvious… it does not take an idiot to know that.” But no, I mean really, really, bad. They are going to much control and now they are taking measures that could hurt everyone; especially me and my family.
We are psychics, which means we are more powerful than the government. They do not want anyone to get the chance of being better or stronger than they are. So they are taking us to a facility where they probably are going to kill or torture us psychics. That is where mom and dad are right now, that is where almost all the rest of my family is… except for me, my sister, and my brother. We are going to save them… or we will die trying.

Chapter One

Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip, that started from this tropic port, aboard this tiny ship. The mate was a mighty sailing man…
“Just shut up!” I yelled at the top of my lungs. If Nathan mentally hums that Gilligan’s Island theme song one more time I swear on my life he will be beaten half to death.
Nathan’s misty blue eyes stared up at me. Sorry Cass, I am just really bored.
“I get it, really I do. But Nathan, I am the one who has to here that song over and over again. And I am not one of those people who can say ‘Just think it Nathe!’ That does not work for me at all.” I said putting my hands on his shoulders.
He nodded, “I am sorry…” he added audibly.
“It’s fine.” I said ruffling his hair.
“Cass?” I turned to my other side to see Paige tugging at my shirt eagerly. I am really hungry… she told me in a thought.
“Nathe, Paige, want to go for some chow?” I asked raising an eyebrow at them.
They nodded at me their eyes sparkling. I will never get over the fact how cute these guys are. Especially since they have the twin thing going but come on, they can be evil a lot of the time. Just give those two five minutes and there would be some national crisis.
It did happen a few towns over. Nathe was playing with rocks and Paige disintegrated them… while all of the towns’ folk watched, and got pictures. That gave us trouble, so we ran here. And yup here we are in New York. It smells bad here and a lot of the things these people think are indescribably creepy.
I stopped my train of thought and looked around and down to Paige “Babe?” I said looking down at her “You want fancy food?”
She nodded “How much?”
“Do five hundred just in case, cause I think we should take a bus, or a subway soon because my feet are in a bit of pain.”
She nodded and went into an alley for a moment and came out with two one hundred dollar bills, four fifty dollar bills, and five twenty dollar bills. She handed the money to me with a pale, sweating face.
“Sorry sweetie.” I said kissing her forehead “I know that takes a lot of energy and you are just a beginner, but for the past months I have been so proud.”
Well you see, Paige can break down and reform matter. That is her psychic ability. IT comes in handy for money but, damn, does it make her feel sick and tire her out. Nathan has a talent too. He can control Earth, like rocks and stuff. He loves his talent and has a knack for it.
She smiled at me sadly and then her face got a bit sarcastic “We are going to Calarasa.”
I nodded and took Paige and Nathan by the hand and walked into the restaurant with the big words Calarasa printed over it.
I walked into the tall restaurant building and the first thing I heard from the man at the desk was “Do you need to use the potty, because it is for paying costumers only.”
La La, I was askiong for and opinion, not a complaint. So if you arent going to answer my question please do not answer.

I’m a little confused about him. I bought the book yesterday and I am on chapter 7. I think I should get a clear picture of him in my mind by now, but I think of him as a tall skinny guys who is really pale and mysterious.. But then I think of Mike and I see him as a **** that’s buff and tall and everything. I’m so confused. Can you help me get a clear picture of the charecters, because I am soooo lost! Thanks!

Ok so I’m writing a novel and this is the beginning of it. Can you read it and maybe give me some critisizim or advice? I’ll even take some problems or questions you have. Thank you in advance!:

“Okay you hooligans in a few weeks were going to be starting our annual creative writing project.” The class groaned. Mr. Crawford had been our English teacher for the past few months, in place of our teacher Mrs. Thompson, who was on maternity leave. Mr. Crawford was a short, old, crazy haired, substitute teacher our class had gotten to know very easily. Unfortunately, there was twenty of us and one of him; so he had a really hard time with names, except Jeremy’s. That shouldn’t be a problem, right Mr. Scott?” Jeremy was talking with one of his bonehead jock friends. “Um…yeah sure” Jeremy laughed and snickered under his breath, “at least your daughter didn’t think so.” The right side of the room quietly chuckled. Don’t get me wrong, I loved Jeremy, I mean have been together since the beginning of the year. We one cutest couple, twice, and we had a good shot at winning prom king and queen. It’s just…sometimes, well most of the time he forgets to use his brain before he speaks, but who doesn’t have that problem, right? “See me after class Mr. Scott, and you can tell me all about it.” Mr. Crawford was in a good mood. “Jeff Carey, Michael Carter, Jenna Harrison.” Jenna, one of my best friends, moved here from Chicago last year. Have you ever had a best friend that you started out hating; then once you got to know them you fell in love? That is how Jenna and I started out. The first time I met her she was flirting with Trevor, the guy I liked when I was a sophomore, at the charity football game down at the old Hampton Church . Long story short, we did not start off on good terms. I confronted her at a party thrown by one of his friends. She threw her drink on me and I punched her in the nose. While we were going at it Trevor was having more than a good time watching two girls fight over him. While we were getting thrown out we both glanced over and saw him making out with a girl from another school. With that, we walked home together and talked things out. We were together everyday for cheerleading and she was with me the whole summer Brooke went to Arizona. We became best friends quickly and she was welcomed into our group with open arms. Jenna also dates my other best friend, Ryan. “Sarah Herbing Aaron Howard, Alexandra Martin.” “Um…Allie.” I spoke “Oh yeah, Allie, sorry” Mr. Crawford scribbled something down on his notepad, “Andrea Mattingly, Rachael May, Shayne McDonald.” Ugh. Shayne McDonald. Have you ever had that one girl in your class, you know, the one who thinks she is ten million times better than everyone else? Well, then you’ve met someone like Shayne McDonald. We used to be friends, until second grade when I accidentally got play-dough in her hair, she had to get almost all of it cut off and blamed me because all the boys called her bucket head. We lost touch during the summer and it was never the same. Her dad owned the top modeling agency in Morton Heights and gave birth to the top model. Of course, I had the hot boyfriend, who was also the all-star basketball player, the hottest best friends and, well I was pretty popular. I mean every cheerleader is, right? “Christian Mowry, Antwon Neal, we all know Jeremiah”, Jeremy shot him and evil look. “Oops, Jeremy is here.” Mr. Crawford said sarcastically. “Brittany Oliver, Cameron Price, Molly Robinson, Ryan Scott.” Ryan, or Ry as I call him, has been my friend for as long as I can remember. He is just like the bigger brother I never had, even though I’m three weeks older than him. When we were little my mom told us we were inseparable, and that people always thought we were brother and sister. One time, when we were eight, he and I found some matches and lighter fluid in my shed; we ran out back to get logs and I doused lighter fluid on them. Both of us tried, without success, to light the match (We didn’t really understand the whole concept). Finally he lit one and threw it on the pile of soaked wood. Flames shot for the sky and the next thing we know his mom is running towards us with an unpleased look on her face. We were both grounded for two weeks, and to this day, I will never regret having that much fun. We spent every single summer together and together we walked to and from school, he even taught me how to ride a skateboard. Even now, as juniors people still mistake us for a couple, which has happened to us since about fifth grade. Whenever I need help with Brooke or Jenna or anybody for that matter he is there. I can talk to him anytime I want to really, since he lives next door. Aaron Smith, Sophia Wal…” “Brooke Brooke!” “Please call me Brooke, Mr. Crawford”. “Man sorry Brooke, I’ll get it right one day.” He said and smiled “Is that everybody?” Sophia or Brooke had been my best friend since we were nine. She was the quiet, shy girl and I was the loud, center of attention. No connection right? Wrong. At our third grade picnic, the first time we met, my ex friend Shayne plotted revenge and decided it would be funny to put a ketchup filled tampon on my blanket and holler “Ew Allie had a little accident”. Brooke let me borrow a pair of shorts and healed my broken heart. She also gave Shayne a pretty good beating, but she doesn’t know I saw her do it. Why? Excellent question, maybe she just wanted to take up for the skinny nice girl. From then on we have been linked at the hip. I convinced her to join the cheerleading squad and we spent every day, every summer, (except for the one going into ninth grade) together. Singing and joking having a good time. The summer going into ninth grade, her mom passed away and she spent the summer in Arizona with her Grandparents. I called her everyday and we talked non-stop.
Dinngggggggg! “Page 764 is due on Monday!” Mr. Crawford sputtered just before everyone blew out of the room. “Ugh can you believe this, homework on the weekend of Prom?” Brooke and I were walking down the crowded hallway with some of the cheerleading girls. “Oh my gosh tonight is going to be so fun!” “Yeah as long as they don’t spike the punch, like at the last dance.” A few of the girls chirped. “Brooke, you are going to be fine, I will help you with your English, if you help me with my calculus. Yeah it is going to be really exciting.” I laughed, “I’m just happy Jeremy is going, maybe this time he won’t end up drunk and lose his mind.” Amber chimed in, “you are so lucky, because honey, your boyfriend is fine. He got the body the looks the…” “Hey babe,” Jeremy said as Amber was finishing her your-man-is-so-fine-speech. Everyone was crowded around my locker. “You ready for tonight because I’m ready to…” he spun around, stuck his hand in the air and galloped in the middle of the hallway. “BUST A MOVE”, He said gallantly as he spun again and accompanied me and my locker. “Hey Al, I’ll meet you at the mall, five o’clock sharp.” Brooke added, “Nice moves Jeremy, better work on that spin if you want to win prom king tonight.” She said as the group walked away in awe. Jeremy was tall, slim and, had tan skin that complimented his jet black hair. He wore his royal blue and black letterman jacket (with his varsity basketball patches sewn across the back) and dirty jeans along with his favorite white and black nike’s. He was easily the most popular guy in school, he was a star on the basketball court, his parents were rich, he always had the nicest clothes, shoes, and of course a range rover as his sixteenth birthday present. When are you going to grow up?” I grinned and kissed him softly. He tried to lower his voice, as if he thought I was mad at him, “I’m sorry baby, it won’t happen again,” his eyes widened “but hey I have a surprise for you.” He pulled out a small rectangular black box. “Oh, Jeremy, you shouldn’t have.” I assured him as I slowly opened the box, expecting a lot more than its contents held. “Yeah what do you think about that”, He proudly exclaimed. He moved closer and whispered into my ear, “It’s a suit.” “No, you really shouldn’t have.” I closed my locker and shoved the box back in his chest.
“I can’t believe how insensitive he is!” I shrieked, as Brooke, Jenna, and I were shuffling through the Morton Heights mall. “I can’t believe he actually got you guys a room,” Brooke replied laughing. Jenna chimed in “You know you are the only girl he has actually gotten a room for, he just took all the other girls to his house, and she laughed. “Oh my gosh, this is so not funny. I cried as we walked through the mall. I am going through a relationship crisis here, and you two, of all people are laughing and making jokes! We have been dating this whole year just to get to this point and I ca….” “Allie” “I just can’t take this right now I mean my…” “Allie?” “My mom is freaking out because tonight is my first prom and…” “ALEXANDRA FELICITY MARTIN!” Brooke yelled as we made our way into a store. Jenna chimed in, “Wow, she broke out the full name.” Brooke grabbed my shoulders and looked me in the eyes, “Listen to me, I am your best friend, I love you, and Jeremy…Jeremy does too but he is a guy and guys are a little confused of what they want right now.” “But a room key Brooke, a room key, what kind of surprise is that supposed to be?” I sadly argued. “What am I supposed to do?” “How do you know he wants to have *** Al, he might just want to talk or something” Brooke concluded. “Yeah and maybe tomorrow it will snow in Florida.” Jenna responded sarcastically before she jerked through the clothes rack. I sighed, as I searched through the sea of necklaces. “Anyway it’s not like it’s your first time Allie, I mean come on, what’s the big deal?” Jenna added. The big deal was that I loved Jeremy. Somewhere between his silly comments, his hot body, and ridiculous study habits (that included no studying) I fell in love with him. Never before had I went all the way with somebody that I loved, and to tell you the truth, it scared me. In my eyes, it’s easy to give yourself up to some guy at a party or one of your friends brothers, you were most likely wasted anyway, and if you weren’t, its not like your going to have a future relationship, therefore nobody gets hurt. Harmless fun. The thought of having that special time that special moment with the one person who you love most, well it made me sick. To think that he is going to see me when I’m most vulnerable gave me a headache. “I think you just need to relax Al because honestly…” I looked up awaiting some of that good best friend advice. “Your boyfriend is so fine!” Brooke and Jenna sputtered in unison just before bursting into laughter. I quietly giggled to myself before facing them. “I just…I don’t know, expected more from him, I mean it’s been almost a year and he hasn’t said anything about it before.” “Except at Trevor’s party.” Jenna exclaimed boastfully. I looked around for Brooke and sighed, “Oh thank you, Jenna, for adding that wonderful piece of information to the conflict, and how many times do I have to tell you, he was drunk.” When Jeremy and I were together for a few months in the middle of the year, Trevor Dennison threw this big back to school bash for all the juniors. It was crazy, almost everyone was drinking, the walls were crowded with high school students about to blow chunks and the football team called for real strippers. Talk about a high school blowout. Jeremy offered to take me up into a room for some harmless fun. We started and I was into it at first but for some reason while we were in that room scenes floated through my head, the room started spinning and, suddenly it didn’t feel right. I realized that I liked him a lot more than any other guy I had gone this far with and I didn’t yet understand if I liked that feeling. I quickly got up and searched for my top. I walked to the door but he wouldn’t let me through. I told him he was drunk and we got into an argument that got way out of hand. I broke up with him that night and drove home crying hysterically, crying I called Jenna and Brooke, and told them everything, unfortunately, what I didn’t know was that it would come back to haunt me for the rest of my life. “Where is Brooke?” Jenna said looking around. Her phone rang and her eyes lit up. It must have been Ryan. She walked over to a bench and sat down. I looked up and saw my best friend. She was talking to some guy that looked as if he worked in the food court. He was a tall blonde, that looked like he was maybe in his early twenties. Just then, Shayne strutted into the store as we were on our way out. She was wearing a baby doll top with Capri‘s and heels accompanied by a beautiful coach purse that hadn’t even been seen in stores yet. Her father had obviously pulled some strings. Shayne had long dirty blonde hair that came down to the middle of her back. She was tan (probably from her recent purchase of a tanning bed, I know that because she practically advertised it to our whole fourth period class last week) with light blue eyes, and her make-up was very nicely done, it almost looked professional. Even though I believed she was the devils daughter, and hated to admit it, Shayne was very pretty, in her own skanky way. She was always put together and never out of style. That did not keep me from trying my best to humiliate her, “Look what the cat dragged in” I called as she stepped into the store. “Look what the cat spit up” she answered back. Shayne had two friends, or minions as I liked to call them, Courtney and Lindsey, they followed her around everywhere like a flock of geese. “Oh Allie, if only your so-called friends would have told you, your hips look like a package of hot dogs in those jeans. “Oh yeah because you know so much about being a good friend, don’t you? I shot back. Courtney chimed in “Oh yeah, well maybe one day you’ll be as pretty and as popular as Shayne.” “That will be the day, oh wait, today must be the day because I am certain she won’t win prom queen tonight. I answered back. I looked to walk between them and quickly scanned for Brooke. She was nowhere to be found.” “Is there a problem here Lady and the Tramps?” Brooke had already stepped into the conversation. “Oh you’ve come to be in the parade, wait, the freak show isn’t until the 28th, (she was referring to “The lights of California celebration”) its okay sweetheart you need all the practice you can get.” Shayne mentioned at the sight of Brooke. “You would know all about it sense, you, tweedle dee, and tweedle dumber, won first prize last year. Tell me, was it hard to walk and talk, like an idiot at the same time? Brooke waited on an answer, then Shayne spoke “Whatever, I’ll see you tonight, my prom queen crown awaits me, and I would just **** for you guys miss it.” She and her minions walked off giggling. “One of these days I’m going to show her…ugh.” I complained “ Let’s go guys, I have to be home at 5:30 so my mom can take pictures. We started out. “So who was that cutie in the food court?” I called. “Jenna added. “Wait, I thought you were going to the Prom with Jay?” “He was cute; I had to go check him out.” Brooke replied, He is twenty and he just moved here from North Carolina.” She added, him, his mom, and his baby brother live on the river, probably by you Al.” “Well Miss. America, did you get his number?” I laughed, “But of course Alexandra my darling” She said boastfully as she held up a strand of napkin with black numbers on it. Laughing, we walked out of the store and over to get smoothies. I saw Courtney and Lindsey in Rue 21 fighting over a skimpy little shirt. I smirked, “They’re definitely going to be running against you for the Miss America title.” Together, Brooke, Jenna and I walked out of the mall. “Tonight is going to be so fun” Brooke laughed. “A night to remember.”
“Hey Mom, I’m home.” My house was unusually quiet. “Mom?” I walked into the living room. “Dad?” I walked into the kitchen and found a note. It read:
Allie,
Your father and I are attending his benefit dinner for work. We will be home around 6:30. Try to eat something, start getting ready and we will see you when we get home.
Love, Mom
P.S- Feed Max for me please, his food is in the garage.
With the house to myself, I opened the refrigerator and grabbed a bottle of water. Then I heard a strange noise. Thump, thump, thump. I stopped, the noise stopped. Quickly I walked out into the garage, to feed Max, our golden retriever. Walking back into the house I heard the sound again. This time harder and faster, thump, thump, thump. “What is that?” I thought to myself. The strange sound continued. I went through the back door and opened the fence to the waterfront. My house sat on the edge of a cliff overlooking the river and on the other side of the river was the entire city. A little bit past my back yard through the white picket fence and down the river front a little ways was an open lot. Back when we were in fifth grade some elderly couple cleared out the trees and was set to build a house there, until the man passed away just before they started to build. It has been empty ever sense. As I walked down the path to the waterfront I knew to be careful. A pebble path was the only way of getting to the bottom. Trees and bushes covered any other entrance. Ryan and I would come down here all the time when we were little and swing from the zipline we built, than ran across the river. Once, when Brooke and I were freshman we ran down to watch the “Lights of California.” It was this big festival right before Halloween, they had carnival games, rides, and all sorts of booths. At nine o’clock, every year they hosted a huge firework show over the river to bless the Halloween ghosts, and every year Brooke, Ryan and I would watch it together. Well when we were running down the pebble path I tripped and fell, well rolled down the hill, taking Brooke with me. Ryan laughed so hard he fell too and we all watched the fireworks with bruised bodies. When you arrive to the waterfront there’s a medium sized field on the left. To the right there is an old beat-up basketball goal, accompanied by small wooden swing overlooking the entire city. When we were little, Brooke and I would sneak out and meet here to talk. We never brought anybody down here, except Ryan, and it wasn’t until Jenna that we accepted anyone else to know about it. That was our special place, we could go down there to think, or read, or do pretty much anything. I hadn’t been there in a while. Water bottle in hand I stepped through the wooden barricade Brooke and I built in sixth grade to keep Thomas and Dylan Perry out. As I cleared through the brush I saw a tall hooded figure on a ladder, hammer in hand, up against the basketball goal. At first I thought it was Ryan and it wasn’t until I got closer that I realized it wasn’t him. He was hammering a wooden board over the old one and dismembering the rim. I started running down. “Hey you!” I stammered, “What do you think your doing?” Startled, the figure looked at me and started down the ladder. I walked towards him. When I finally approached him, he took out his head phones and started speaking. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know anybody lived here.” I stepped over the bushes and moved closer to him “I just moved here from Nor…” I cut him off. “Look here, I don’t care where you moved from or how you got here. This is my property and I don’t think you have permission to be hammering around like a maniac, and why are you wearing a hoodie in 80 degree weather? I was out of breath. He slowly took his hood off, started talking. He was tall, muscular and had dark brown hair cut to his ears along with sideburns. The boy had a soft face, slender body and the most beautiful light green eyes I had ever seen. He spoke again, “Look I’m sorry if I bothered you my name is…” He was wearing a blue Duke University hoodie, accompanied by some white and blue basketball shorts and black Air Jordan basketball shoes. I was stunned for a brief moment. I thought to myself, “What is wrong with me, like I haven’t ever seen a cute boy before.” He was still talking, “so maybe we could be fri…” I looked down at my watch, it was six o’clock and I still had to get ready. I stopped him again, “Okay I don’t have time to deal with this right now, I have a prom to go to now and when I get back I expect you be gone, Got it Bob the builder?” He babbled back, “Yeah…sure, whatever. I started up the hill and he yelled up at me. “Hey, can I get your number, you know, just in case I forget my hammer or my tools here. Just so you can get them back to me?” I turned around, the pick-up lines guys use today. I fiddled through my pockets and found what I was looking for. I threw him the coin and answered back, “Heads you might get my number, tails, you leave.” He caught it and hollered up. “Heads it is.” He fumbled with the coin. “So do I still have to leave?”
I walked into my back door and was met by my mother. “Hey sweetheart”, she walked over to shut the door, “where have you been?” I answered back. “Nowhere, just walking Max.” “Well sit down Allie, your father and I have some pleasant news.” I walked into the living room, in no way was I prepared for the news they welcomed me with. “Moving!” I cried.” Were moving!” My father stammered, “Honey, it is only for a couple of years, we can come back and visit whenever you want to.” “No Dad, a couple of years is too long, what about Brooke, Ryan, and Jenna, and Jeremy and the cheerleading squad. Did you think about them?” “Sweetheart”, my mother added quietly. “You can make new friends in Michigan and I‘m sure they have a cheerleading team.” “ Michigan … Michigan !” I shouted. “Your moving me half-way across the county away from everything I love and that is supposed to be good news?” “I can’t believe you two right now.” I got up and turned my back “It was a very good job offer and your father had to take it.” I started to my room. “Look here missy, this is my house and my rules, your moving to Michigan weather you like it or not.” My mother scolded me. “No Mom,” I shot back, “Right now I am going to my first prom, and probably last prom at Morton Heights, don’t speak to me don’t try to take pictures. Just stay down here and think about how much you are ruining my life.” My father tried to speak as I was walking up the stairs. “Alexandra, honey co…” I slammed my door and smothered my face into my pillow. After a few minutes I got up and looked out my window, good, the boy was gone. Lying on my bed, I found myself thinking about him, he was really cute and kind of witty in his own little way. I glanced down at my clock and realized it was seven o’clock. Brooke and Jeremy would be here to pick me up in one hour. I took a shower, fixed my hair and make-up, and then slid the red dress over my head. I was getting my shoes and purse ready when I saw Jeremy pull into my drive way. I grabbed my things and he met me at the door. Instead of waiting inside my house for the limo we sat in his car. “Allie, what’s wrong ****?” “Nothing, just ready to leave” I sighed and Jeremy got out of the car. I turned look at him and saw the limo. It was an Escalade stretch limo and took up almost my whole driveway. Brooke stuck her head out of the sun roof and yelled, “Its party time baby!”
The way to the Prom was nothing less than I expected. The long car included most of the basketball team and cheerleaders plus Me, Jeremy, Brooke, Jay, Jenna, and Ryan. Everyone was laughing and having a good time while I was still marinating in my parents recent decision to move me away from all humanity. Brooke noticed something was wrong, she slid over and took a seat between me and Jeremy. “What’s up girl?” Brooke asked gasping for breath after singing Car wash with the rest of our crew. I answered back covering up my real feelings. I looked up “You know the last time we were in a limo was for our eighth grade dance, remember?” “Yeah, you and Ryan went together. And Jenna was really mad at me because I went with Aaron Gates.” She replied back. I laughed, “And we spent forty minutes in the bathroom trying to get that punch out of your dress that Ryan spilled on you because he was so nervous. We both laughed. “Those were the good old days huh?” She giggled. “Hey stop looking back, try to have some fun tonight okay?” “Just promise me you’ll have fun tonight okay?” “I will.” I assured her. When we stepped into the Belmont hotel all of us looked around with wide eyes. Black and blue streamers covered the walls of the beautiful ball room. The hard wood floor glistened through the sun roof and reflected off of every girl’s jewelry. Everyone was dollied up from head to toe. Girls had their hair and nails done accompanied by guys with fresh cuts and new suits as well. The stage was in the center of the room under a giant disco ball, surrounded by several small spotlights. Balloons and confetti were held overhead by a large basket, ready to fall when king and queen were announced. The room was filled with adrenaline pumped teenagers ready for a night of fun. We all gracefully walked down the ballroom stairs and found a table to put our things onto. Ryan and Jenna sat together while Jay and Brooke got everyone some punch. Jeremy and I were out on the dance floor dancing the night away. He must have already been drinking a little. Pretty soon everybody joined us and we were all having a blast when the one and only made her entrance. Shayne walked down the ballroom stairs accompanied by some boy I had never seen before. She wore an average sized blue dress with many small silver sequins patched onto it, along with silver shoes that had the same sequins on them. Around her neck was the most beautiful diamond I had ever laid my eyes on. It was white surrounded by many smaller blue diamonds stringing around her. With every move she made one of the diamonds caught the light and blinded everyone in the ballroom. “She always has to make an entrance,” I said to Jeremy who was staring at Shayne in awe. He said nothing for a second then answered back, “Whoa, she’s hot.” I looked at him in disbelief and stormed off to the table. As I was making my way through the crowd something caught my arm. “Look baby I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking. I’ll be in the room at eleven thirty.” I snatched my arm away and kept walking. He walked the other way to talk to one of his basketball buddies. Sometimes I wondered what made me like him so much. I sat down at the table and started talking to one of the cheerleading girls. Every now and then I would glance up to look at the clock. It was going on eleven thirty. Just then Brooke walked up to me, her eyes as big as golf balls. “Allie come quick, Jenna needs help.” I rose from my seat with a sense of urgency, and followed Brooke out to the parking lot. When I approached the limo I saw feet hanging out of and open car door one without a shoe. “Its okay baby we’re going to get you home.” Ryan was sitting in the car holding a scrawny figure. “Is that Jenna?” I giggled. Brooke spoke, “One of the girls brought a canteen of vodka, and Lindsay Lohan here downed the whole thing.” “The whole thing?” I exclaimed. “Well someone needs to take her home, but she is going to be in so much trouble.” What if I take her home with me and one of you can just say she stayed with you? “Ryan suggested while holding onto his drunken girlfriend. “Brooke can stay the night with me and I will just tell my mom it’s Jenna.” I explained. “You don’t have any plans tonight do you?” She answered back, “No but you do, where is Jeremy? I sighed. “I don’t know probably in the room.” Ryan looked up at me. “Allie, just be careful, I know I can’t look after you like I used to but I just want you to thinks things over. I grabbed him and gave him a hug. Jenna was sound asleep. “You can always look after me big brother.” I kissed him on the head and closed the limo door. “You guys creep me out sometimes.” Brooke complained. “Have you two ever went out?” I chuckled back “Yeah when we were five and he asked me to marry him. Brooke and I walked inside arm in arm to the dance floor. On our way in Mr. Murray, the principal, was up on the stage announcing the prom king and queen. I looked over the ballroom for Jeremy but couldn’t find him. The room was filled with anticipation as Mr. Murray picked up the envelope. “And now for the moment you’ve all been waiting for, the crowning of this years prom king and prom queen. I will announce the queen first.” A drum roll started. Silence fell over the room and Mr. Murray’s voice was the only one that spoke. “This years Morton Heights High School Prom queen is…” He opened the envelope. “Shayne McDonald!” Brooke and I looked at each other and smiled. The crowed looked around and Shayne was no where to be found. Mr. Murray spoke again, “Shayne McDonald can you please come up and accept your crown?” “Well she got what she wanted, as always.” I sighed. Brooke comforted me. “Oh don’t worry about that girl. She only won because her dress blinded everyone and they couldn’t even see anybody else. I laid my head on her shoulder and looked at the clock. It was going on twelve. Courtney and Lindsay walked onto the stage to accept Shayne’s crown on there way down, the two were fighting over it like little boys in a sand box. “Jeremy told me he would be in the room at eleven thirty.” Brooke looked down at me in amazement. “Why the hell aren’t you up there then?” I smiled and looked up at her. “You think I should?” She stared at me with serious eyes. “Al, I think you should do what you want to do and stop worrying about the bad that can happen, go get him tiger.” She pushed me away and told me she would meet me at home at three. I got into the elevator and made my way up to the fifth floor. The elevator doors opened slowly and I walked out into the hallway alone. Searching through my purse for the room key, I approached the door. Key in hand I stared at the room number for a moment. After I gathered all the courage in my body I finally pushed the heavy door open. The room was black. I walked in and turned on the closest lights I could find. The room lit up, to the right was a small kitchen, that included a small stove top, a microwave, and a small refrigerator on the wall. A bar top stood in the middle with a small sink on one side and two stools on the other. On the opposite side of the bar was a small living room, with a flat screen television, couch and recliner. The bathroom was on the left across from the kitchen. “Wow, he really went all out,” I spoke to myself. Over to the left the master bedroom door was shut. I slowly approached it, “Jeremy? Are you in there?” I knocked twice and walked in. As I opened the door I heard heavy breathing and saw two figures on the bed. With cruel intentions I flipped on the lights. “Oh my god!” The girl figure screamed and rolled over. As she was turning over the male figure jumped up, it was Jeremy. Regretting going up there I took a look at the female figure, to my surprise, it was Shayne. My mouth dropped and tears started forming in my eyes. I slammed the door and started towards the hall. I heard someone behind me, and as I was attempting to open the other door, the person shut it. “Baby wait, let me explain.” “I turned with tears streaming down my face. “EXPLAIN! You want me to let you explain why you were in bed with that ****!” I opened the door and started out. “Baby I was drunk, and I didn’t know if you were going to come up…” So you decided to sleep with her huh?” I was trying to hold in the tears and speak at the same time. “Jeremy I tried, I gave you a chance, I took your *********, I took it all, and this is how you repay me! You said you loved me! I was done I turned around and left him standing in front of the door in only his boxers. “Wait, wait, so what’s this mean?” He stuttered. Without turning around I screamed at the top of my lungs. “Were over!” The elevator door opened, I stepped in and pressed the lobby button. Once the doors closed I fell to my knees and started bawling. I arrived down in the lobby and walked out the front doors no one even saw me leave. I didn’t know how far the hotel was from my house and personally I didn’t care, all I knew, was that I had to get away from there. It started to rain. Shoes in hand I started walking down the street with tears streaming down my face.
Tyler watched her walk up the hill and smiled. “Well isn’t she something else.” He gathered up his tools and started up to his house. When he walked in he found his brother still in his work uniform sitting on the couch playing the Xbox 360, and his mother in the kitchen working on dinner. “Hey beautiful,” he walked over to his mother, kissed her on the cheek and put his things down. “Hey Tyler, where have you been?” “He responded back, “Oh down the river there is a little court and I just took dads tools down there to see if I could fix it up a bit.” Trey looked over from his video game “Why did you take dads tools?” “I don’t know, I didn’t think I was going to get interrogated for it.” Their mother spoke, “okay boys that’s enough.”

Okay, I’m writing a book that i wish to be published and sold. Read the following part of the book and please tell me what you think (the indentations won’t show up on here). Also, i’ve included the chapter names. Please tell me if you find these appealing. Thank you. So you don’t get confused, I would also like to inform you that the first part of this piece is the end of the book that i will place in the beginning, to give you a flashfoward of the end.

The world lay before me, broken like shattered glass. Blood ran through the streets, the sand, the rivers. Bodies lay everywhere, un-buried, un-honored… unholy… The once beautiful city now lay waste. The streets blown apart from bombs, buildings shredding like paper. The skies, grey with sorrow, cried upon this fallout land. The smoke reached unto the heavens and the fires lit the night sky like candles. You could smell the reminisce of gun smoke… and the sickening smell of rotting death. In the distance the shrieks of survivors broke the silence… begging for mercy- and the sound of receiving none. I could now feel the warm liquid creeping down my arms, chest, and legs. The taste of sweat and adrenaline fills my mouth. A screeching ring in my ears and my vision tinted blood red. Suddenly I feel someone tug on my suit, screaming as he dragged my limp body across the blood soaked dirt.
Slowly but surely… his voice cracks through the night like a bullet… “you’re comin’ back alive.”

Part I- We’re Not in Kansas Anymore
Chapter I- Come Back Alive
One week ago…
“Daddy! Do you really have to leave?”
“Yes honey, Daddy’s gotta keep you two safe!”
“But daddy! I don’t want you to die!”
“Don’t worry honey…I’m, coming back! Just for you!”
“Don’t lie to her… come back alive…”
“Don’t worry babe… I-”
“Captain?”
“Captain?”
My eyes slowly prey themselves open like a clam shell.
“Captain!” I hear Toni’s rough war-torn voice. “Were almost there, wake up!”
“Your one ta’ talk to boy!” I now noticed how torn my voice is as well. It comes out harsh and rough.
I look around, observing the world around me. The rough turbulence is now shaking me like a dog. Before me stand 3 tall silhouettes, clothed in death black suits. The whole cargo bay is lit with a dim red aura. In the faint light I can barely make out the strands of the suit, layered like muscle.
Slowly I push myself off the army cloth bench and stretch my weary, aching muscles. I bend down and pick up the cold durable mask for my suit. Slowly I press the visor to my face, and with a hiss, it unites with the suit. I firmly grip my weapon, hanging from its rack, crimson from the light.
“Time to Jump Everyone! Double check all systems and go!” I hear my voice, crisp and clear through the com.
The C-130s heavy bay doors pry themselves open and we all stand, anxious for the battle about to come. In a blur of black we all dash down the metal tracks and leap. I hear the screaming “WOOHOO!”s from my men as the roll and flip in their freefall. My visor quickly blares on; data fills my field of view. Altitude, parachute open time, vitals, et cetera, but after all this time, I’ve learned to ignore it all.
“Open in 10, 9, 8” my visor counts down, “4,3,2,1,OPEN!”
I grab the release cord on my chute and rip it off. My parachute shoots out like a bullet and catches wind. I begin my leisurely elegant glide to the ground.
Suddenly, all hell breaks loose; the com now explodes with screams of terror and frantic orders. My visor screams out alerts and I suddenly feel weightless again. Flak starts exploding all around me, shrapnel flies through the air. I look up and discover my chute, now turned into a shredded chew toy for the cannons. I begin to fall, faster, faster, I hear the screams of my men “CAPTAIN!”.
The rush of adrenaline fills my body and I work swiftly. I grab my combat knife, perfectly sharpened, perfectly deadly. I slash away at the old useless chute until it finally breaks loose. I release my vice grip on my knife and reach for the emergency chute. The moment I touch the cord, I feel the impact on my feet, blow through my legs, my chest, then my head… suddenly… everything goes black.
“Don’t lie to her…come back alive…”
“Don’t worry ****… I’ll come back…for both of you, I do every time don’t I?”
“I guess so…”
“Babe… cheer up… nothings gonna happen!”
“I love you…”
“I love you too honey.”
I come around to the smell of salt, the sound of soft waves on the shore. My visor bursts alive with my senses, analyzing my vitals and body. I turn on my back and look up; the sky is a soft baby blue, with clouds painted in the distance like a beautiful canvas.
I watch the clear blue water attack in a wave of foam, then retreat, again and again. In the distant waters I see my ragged parachute and
find myself chuckling. I move my poor, aching muscles and lift my limp body up. Beach sand white as snow now covers my suit.
I now stand on a beach of snow white. The sun peeks out the soft blue horizon. To my right the beach goes on seemingly eternally. To my left, the white beach sand is contrasted by a jagged, rocky cliff. The ocean waves crash against the murky black rock. Before me a lush, bright forest screams its colors at the ocean. Blood red and heaven blue flowers, neon green foliage, and the soothing brown of the trees fill the forest. The distant sounds of animals and insects calling out can be heard.
“Anybody there!” I yell into my com, “Come in!” All that can be heard is an eerie stillness.
“Let’s see,” I say to myself in a low whisper, “what to do. Guess I’ll just head over ta’ the RP… Visor! Lead me to the rally point!”
The soothing voice of the visor responds, “2 miles East Captain.”
“Two miles…” I let out a heavy sigh, “Better start movin’ then.”
As I begin to move my legs, I notice the dreadful shock of pain in my legs. My suit promptly detects the pain and releases pain relievers into my legs. I feel the tiny bee-sting like ***** of the needle and the strange feel of the injection. The pain in my leg is swiftly alleviated and I begin to travel once more.
As I enter the thick jungle I notice the true beauty of this place. Flowers bud from every plant and tree. An abyss of colors lay before me as I trek onward. Creatures I’ve never seen before hide in the bushes and scout my mysterious presence. The sound of crashing waves, the beautiful rays of sunlight are now dead, and replaced by the quietness of the forest and a darkened Neverland.
Suddenly I hear a faint sound over the com.
“ANYONE! COME IN! PLEASE! ASSISTANCE NEEDED AT THE RP! HEAVY ENEMY RESISTANCE! PLEAS”- static…
Part I- We Aren’t In Kansas Anymore
Chapter I- Come back Alive
Chapter II- Wolf In Sheep’s Clothing
Chapter III- Out of the Frying Pan…
Chapter IV- …And Into the Fire

Part II- Home…I Think
Chapter I- Russian Roulette
Chapter II- S.O.S.
Chapter III- Fight Fire…
Chapter IV- …With Fire

Part III- Their Land, Their Blood
Chapter I-
Chapter II- Do You Believe In Ghosts?
Chapter III- No More…
Chapter IV- …Heroes

Part IV- Revenge…
Chapter I- A Breath Exhaled from the Earth
Chapter II- We. Will. Kill Him.

Chapter One
“Jack? Did you hear that?” Emma Grant poked her boyfriend, Jack Wallis, to get his attention. “Shhh! Emma, the whole point of T.P.-ing someone is to be quiet so they don’t here you. Also, revenge.” Emma rolled her emerald green eyes. “Oh, please Jack. So what if Morris Graves bumped into you in the hallway and you dropped your books. It’s not like he did it on purpose.” Jack turned around and stared at her with his intense blue eyes, his straight black hair in them. “Oh, but he did Emma. Don’t you get it? He’s been planning this since the third grade when I stole his Donald Duck pen!” Emma blew her curly, red hair out of her face with a sigh. “Yeah, that’s it Jack. He’s been plotting for nine years to get back at you by knocking your books down in the hallway. They don’t call him The Smartest Kid in the Senior class for nothing! It’s diabolic!” Jack grunted and opened the trunk to his brand new, top of the line, as expensive as it gets, truck. Jack’s parents were loaded, and it made Jack a little spoiled. Ok, a lot spoiled. But hey, Emma got the nicest presents around from him, including the diamond tennis bracelet he got her for their one year anniversary. “Seriously, Emma. Just because I’m richer than him and cooler and better looking, he has to pick on me?” Emma’s mouth dropped in disbelief. “What? Jack, last week you put him in the trash can for taking the last piece of carrot cake at lunch! “Hey, everyone knows carrot cake is my cake! My dad is the main supporter if this school, you now.” Emma knew. Oh, boy did she know. Jack did not let her forget that his dad paid for the new lockers, the new computers, the new lunch tables, the new desks, the new swimming pool, etc. Sometimes it got a little annoying, but Emma knew that deep down Jack was still the boy she had had a crush on since the 6th grade. He really was nice, but usually in private, not in front of his friends. ‘Gotta keep my rep up, ****. Your rep defines you, ****.’ Really, that’s all Jack cared about. His “rep”, and soccer. Jack was the best forward in the entire state of Georgia. He already had three scholarships waiting for him when he graduated and they were full rides, too, meaning everything was paid for. His dorms, his books, tuition, everything. Emma didn’t see the fairness in it, seeing as how his dad could pay for whatever college on Earth that Jack wanted to go to. Emma, on the other hand, had enough money to be comfortable, but she couldn’t afford a good medical school like she wanted. “Emma! Focus! Take some toilet paper and start throwing!” Jack held out a roll of toilet paper for Emma to take. She blew her hair out of her eyes again. “Jack, I’m not helping you. This isn’t right.” Jack continued to hold out the toilet paper. “Emma. Just do it. It’s not like it’s going to hurt him. Just a little revenge, that’s all.” “Jack! He was talking to a teacher and he didn’t see you! Who cares if he bumped into you? All you did was drop your books. It’s not like your hurt. It was accident and that’s all. You need to stop nursing your ego and get over it.” Jack glared at Emma for a minute, then turned around and threw a roll over the tree. Emma huffed and stormed off to the truck. She got in the passenger seat and slammed the door behind her. She tapped her fingers on the arm rest waiting for Jack to finish his ego-nursing. She stared at the clock as it changed from 10:26 to 10:27. Suddenly, her eyes became droopy as sleep overcame her.

Chapter Two
“Jack? Jack! Where are you? Jack?” Emma was running through a meadow of tall grass. All she could see for miles on all sides was grass that went up to her knees. She was running; running fast, and she had no idea why. She just had a feeling that there was a reason she should be. She tripped over her own feet and laid in the grass with her eyes closed for a minute, trying to gather her thoughts. When she opened her eyes, there was a red fox looking down on her. She screamed and stood up, backing away. The fox looked at her for a moment and then he spoke. “Emma Grant. Do not be afraid. I am here to help.” Emma screamed again and backed up even more. “You…what? Foxes don’t talk! I’m dreaming. I have to be dreaming.” The fox stepped closer. “Of course your dreaming, Emma Grant. I could not come to you in the human world.” “The…the human world? You live in the same world as humans do!” The fox moved towards Emma again. “Technically, yes. But not as you think. Foxes coexist with humans, but it is their world not ours. I, and a few others, have been given the power to talk, along with other things, to humans, but only when they are in great need of help. I have come to you in a dream to warn you of a great danger. A danger that cannot be stopped without help. That is why I am here. I came to you in a dream but this one time, for it is forbidden and I will be in trouble when I return. But I feel it is worth it to help you. You must understan
d the great danger!” The fox was now in front of Emma peering into her eyes, holding her gaze. She couldn’t look away; it was like she was in a trance. Finally, the fox broke the gaze and Emma was, for some reason, no longer afraid of the fox. She looked him in the eyes. “What is the great danger, Fox?” In the distance, a long howling, scream echoed. The fox turned around with fear in his eyes. He turned back and looked at Emma. “My leaders call me. There shall be much punishment for going against The Ancient Laws.” The fox turned toward the howl and was about to leave. “Wait, Fox! What is the great danger? How will you tell me if you can’t come into my dreams anymore. How do I know this isn’t just some weird dream from eating that triple fudge sundae?” The fox turned around and dropped a gold coin, that had a fox carved out of the gold in Emma’s hand from his mouth. “I shall bring you a message somehow. You won’t have to wait long. The message will come soon. Very soon. And with that
said, the fox turned, ran about 100 feet and evaporated into thin air. Emma ran after the fox screaming, “Fox! Wait! What is the great danger?” As Emma stepped over the place she saw the fox disappear, the meadow of tall grass gave way and she was falling; falling into a bottomless, black hole.
*sorry, ya i know i dont have the qoutations right. im planning on fixing it later, just writing the book now. so cld i plz jst have comments on the writing itself and not the grammer? Thanks!*

my friends daughter wrote this and wants to know if it is good. please don’t copy, she is 12 don’t judge to hard

There I layed in the middle of the forest, I didn’t know who I was, and why I was here, I couldn’t remember anything. Well not anything there was three things I knew
1.I was a girl named Shyanne Marie Syrea
2.I had a silver SUV (I think there is one right next to me, and no one else is in sight)
3.And I have to use the restroom
So there I was, I didn’t know what I looked like, I don’t know where I am besides in a forest, and I don’t really know who I am. Guuuuhhhhh guuuuuuhhhhhh guuuuuhhhhh a black mersadies pulled up next to me, the person rolled down the window “Come on Shyanne we will be late for school” A cute boy said, he had brown short hair, and a lot of freckles, but he was cute. He got out of the car “Babe whats wrong, your hair is a mess and you wore those close yesterday.” He said “Who..Who..Who are you?” I asked “Shyanne, its me your boyfriend, Karson. You all right want me to take you to the doctor?” he asked “What is a doctor? What is School? What are you?” I asked “Get in the car” he demanded. He drove in silence. I didn’t know what to say, what do you say when you can’t remember your own boyfriend, something came to me like a vision but from the past it took me back from when I was in third grade. I was sitting next to a desk everyone was by the hamster, Lynn, but not me. I was crying, then this short girl came over to me “I am Annie, who are you?” I didn’t answer back “Karson!” she yelled “This is my brother, Karson, he is a creep.” She said “hey uggy what are you looking at” he said his friends where next to him and started laughing I started crying more. Annie hit Karson on the sholder, “jerk!” she said “leave” he left. “Sorry he is useally very nice” she said and walked away to the other kids. They ignored me like they where princes and prinsses and I was the ugly maid, that was how it was since I was two. I went back more in my vision, when I was two. My mother was holding me and there was a big builiding that said St.Iahia Orhanage, I started crying then this tall nun took me in the house. I snaped out I was in real life.

I need someone who is experienced. But I will accept anyone who are willing to help me. I haven’t finished the story, but I’m going to edit chapter through chapter so i can show my teacher. I will give credit of course to whom may edit it. If you shall. This is the story so far. Please do not steal my work, it’s already copyrighted because I already have a publisher who is working with me.

Chapter 1 Ash

I tied my dark hair into a pony-tail and opened my spell book. I pulled on my charm necklace as I read through the difficult readings. The charm was made by my mother. The complicated patterns were carved from Gems of Savage Crystals.
I looked up to see Ash standing over me.
Ash was your typical popular school boy. He had round brown eyes and his silky, straight, chestnut hair hung down his shoulders. He stood tall and had a graceful build. His skin was pallid and his wardrobe was classy and odd.
We’ve been together for about 3 years.
“ What spell are you gonna cast on me next?” He asked mockingly as he kissed me on the cheek. I laughed and said, “ I’m thinking about making you turn into a werewolf. I would love to see how your family would react.” He shook his head at the word wolf. “ Why are you so disgusted by wolves?” I asked suddenly.
“ Because like all myths, us vamps are their rivals and they are ours.”
His voice had acid in it. I turned to stare at him then. His eyes turned lighter into a hazel color.
“ **** I didn’t mean it I know you have wolf cousins. It was a joke.” I smiled an uneven smile and closed the spell book.
“ Come on my little witch. We’re going to be late for class.” He picked me up and turned me toward him. I grabbed my book and threw it into my duffel bag. He grabbed my hand and we walked swiftly to class.
“ Hey I’ll meet you in there in one minute okay.” Ash kissed my cheek and darted away before I could say okay. I walked into class and ran into my sister Isis. She reminded me of a cheetah. Her eyes were the color of burning flames and her hair was shoulder length and luxuriously ivory colored. She had a curvy build. “ Hi Lil,” She said and darted out the classroom. That was all she ever said. I took my usual seat at the back of the room and sat down. I turned to stare out the window.
“ Told you it would take a minute.” I recognized that voice.

Chapter 2 Spellbound

“ Mix a cup of Sage and freesia into the potion.” Isis said. I nodded and followed directions. She went to the next page of the spell and pressed her palm against her cheek. “ Stir until you smell the the scent of the freesia and the lavender mixed. “ Isis said. I stirred the potion carefully until I smelt the aroma of the freesia.
The sweet smell burned my nostrils.
“ Repeat the spell after me.” She cleared her throat and chanted, “ All hell rises, make me thy path where all thy love can be reached. Clear the fires of hell and bring me back the charms of bloodlines that belonged to thy mother of hope, courage, and beauty.” I repeated after her carefully making sure I said each word correctly. Nothing happened. I said it again, but nothing happened. I looked at Isis confused and she flipped back through the pages and read through them again. “ Oh,” she gasped. I leaned across the table and read the words up side down. “ We were suppose to add a drop of type a blood.” I shook my head exhausted and walked across the room. I looked out the window and sighned. “ Maybe next time sis.” I half-smiled and walked back to the table to help her clean up the mess. “ I’m not a pro at this, but I’ll help you learn this certain spell. Grandma Bartholomew taught me and I can teach you.” I smiled and touched her on the shoulder. She smiled too and pulled her long ivory hair into a bun. “ So you and Vamp are together still? How long has it been?” I felt my heart move to the edge of my throat and swallowed hard. How did she know we were together. “ It’s obvious yall are together. I mean he stares at you in a way that makes me jealous.” I swallowed. Jealous. I bit my nail and opened my mouth to speak. “ Please don’t tell anyone, especially grand. We can’t let her know that I’m dating a vampire!” I swallowed again and stood. I felt my heart racing two. “ I’m going to bed. Goodnight.” I turned to face her. Her skin was paler in the light. She nodded and put the spell book on the shelf. I walked back over to her and hugged her sideways. “ Isis, please.” I did my special puppy dog look and stared her down. She chuckled and said, “ Secrets are safe with me.” I smiled and walked gracefully out the room.

Chapter 3 Flesh and Blood

“ Want a bite?” I handed Isis my apple. She took the apple and bit into it making a sour face. “ Green apples…eww!” I laughed and kneeled down beside her. “ Did you hear?” she said as she took a sip of her Diet Coke. I took the apple and took two bites. “ Hear what?” I said in between chews. “ Gram invited some of our cousins over.!” I took anothe
This isn’t all of it, somehow it cut like two chapters of it…but if you would like to edit it, just give me your e-mail and I’ll send it to you

Thanks

Okay the story is fiction and I’m starting chapter 4. Here are the chapters. And I know I haven’t gotten chance to edit it yet so please don’t be rude….

Chapter 1

I tied my dark hair into a pony-tail and opened my spell book. I pulled on my charm necklace as I read through the difficult readings. The charm was made by my mother. The complicated patterns were carved from Gems of Savage Crystals.
I looked up to see Ash standing over me.
Ash was your typical popular school boy. He had round brown eyes and his silky, straight, chestnut hair hung down his shoulders. He stood tall and had a graceful build. His skin was pallid and his wardrobe was classy and odd.
We’ve been together for about 3 years.
“ What spell are you gonna cast on me next?” He asked mockingly as he kissed me on the cheek. I laughed and said, “ I’m thinking about making you turn into a werewolf. I would love to see how your family would react.” He shook his head at the word wolf. “ Why are you so disgusted by wolves?” I asked suddenly.
“ Because like all myths, us vamps are their rivals and they are ours.”
His voice had acid in it. I turned to stare at him then. His eyes turned lighter into a hazel color.
“ **** I didn’t mean it I know you have wolf cousins. It was a joke.” I smiled an uneven smile and closed the spell book.
“ Come on my little witch. We’re going to be late for class.” He picked me up and turned me toward him. I grabbed my book and threw it into my duffel bag. He grabbed my hand and we walked swiftly to class.
“ Hey I’ll meet you in there in one minute okay.” Ash kissed my cheek and darted away before I could say okay. I walked into class and ran into my sister Isis. She reminded me of a cheetah. Her eyes were the color of burning flames and her hair was shoulder length and luxuriously ivory colored. She had a curvy build. “ Hi Lil,” She said and darted out the classroom. That was all she ever said. I took my usual seat at the back of the room and sat down. I turned to stare out the window.
“ Told you it would take a minute.” I recognized that voice.

Chapter 2

“ Mix a cup of Sage and freesia into the potion.” Isis said. I nodded and followed directions. She went to the next page of the spell and pressed her palm against her cheek. “ Stir until you smell the the scent of the freesia and the lavender mixed. “ Isis said. I stirred the potion carefully until I smelt the aroma of the freesia.
The sweet smell burned my nostrils.
“ Repeat the spell after me.” She cleared her throat and chanted, “ All hell rises, make me thy path where all thy love can be reached. Clear the fires of hell and bring me back the charms of bloodlines that belonged to thy mother of hope, courage, and beauty.” I repeated after her carefully making sure I said each word correctly. Nothing happened. I said it again, but nothing happened. I looked at Isis confused and she flipped back through the pages and read through them again. “ Oh,” she gasped. I leaned across the table and read the words up side down. “ We were suppose to add a drop of type a blood.” I shook my head exhausted and walked across the room. I looked out the window and sighned. “ Maybe next time sis.” I half-smiled and walked back to the table to help her clean up the mess. “ I’m not a pro at this, but I’ll help you learn this certain spell. Grandma Bartholomew taught me and I can teach you.” I smiled and touched her on the shoulder. She smiled too and pulled her long ivory hair into a bun. “ So you and Vamp are together still? How long has it been?” I felt my heart move to the edge of my throat and swallowed hard. How did she know we were together. “ It’s obvious yall are together. I mean he stares at you in a way that makes me jealous.” I swallowed. Jealous. I bit my nail and opened my mouth to speak. “ Please don’t tell anyone, especially grand. We can’t let her know that I’m dating a vampire!” I swallowed again and stood. I felt my heart racing two. “ I’m going to bed. Goodnight.” I turned to face her. Her skin was paler in the light. She nodded and put the spell book on the shelf. I walked back over to her and hugged her sideways. “ Isis, please.” I did my special puppy dog look and stared her down. She chuckled and said, “ Secrets are safe with me.” I smiled and walked gracefully out the room.

Chapter 3

“ Want a bite?” I handed Isis my apple. She took the apple and bit into it making a sour face. “ Green apples…eww!” I laughed and kneeled down beside her. “ Did you hear?” she said as she took a sip of her Diet Coke. I took the apple and took two bites. “ Hear what?” I said in between chews. “ Gram invited some of our cousins over.!” I took another bite out the apple. “ When is it?” I asked. She took another sip of her drink and said, “ Friday night.”
My mouth dropped.
“ Friday freaking night!” I screamed almost. “ Is there something better you have to do?” She asked. I cleared my mind and said, “ Of course