Comments on: at my wits end with my fiance.how much more do i have to take? http://tallbabes.com/blog/at-my-wits-end-with-my-fiance-how-much-more-do-i-have-to-take/ TallBabes.com Sat, 11 Feb 2012 10:57:33 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: nightingale974 http://tallbabes.com/blog/at-my-wits-end-with-my-fiance-how-much-more-do-i-have-to-take/comment-page-1/#comment-2140 nightingale974 Sun, 09 May 2010 18:49:16 +0000 http://tallbabes.com/blog/at-my-wits-end-with-my-fiance-how-much-more-do-i-have-to-take/#comment-2140 I had thought that maybe the stress of finances and your living circumstances were just too much for you both and it could still work out eventually. But then I got to this part: "so it's always my fault that we fight. when he calls me a wh0re for having a kid when i was 14 and when he tells me i'm worthless..that's my fault to because i MAKE him act that way. when we fight..we do battle. i've had multiple bruises. he throws things at me. he's ripped my engagement ring off my finger more than once. he makes me feel like i'm an inch tall. but he says he's NEVER been like that with anyone else..so it's my fault he's like that i bring that out in him." That says it all. Someone who hurts you emotionally and physically and then blames it on you is a textbook abuser. I know it may be easier said than done but for your sake and for the sake of your family, you've got to kick this guy to the curb. If it takes a restraining order then do it. Nothing he can do for you is worth what he is doing to you. I had thought that maybe the stress of finances and your living circumstances were just too much for you both and it could still work out eventually. But then I got to this part:

“so it’s always my fault that we fight. when he calls me a wh0re for having a kid when i was 14 and when he tells me i’m worthless..that’s my fault to because i MAKE him act that way. when we fight..we do battle. i’ve had multiple bruises. he throws things at me. he’s ripped my engagement ring off my finger more than once. he makes me feel like i’m an inch tall. but he says he’s NEVER been like that with anyone else..so it’s my fault he’s like that i bring that out in him.”

That says it all. Someone who hurts you emotionally and physically and then blames it on you is a textbook abuser. I know it may be easier said than done but for your sake and for the sake of your family, you’ve got to kick this guy to the curb. If it takes a restraining order then do it. Nothing he can do for you is worth what he is doing to you.

]]> By: xangel4godx http://tallbabes.com/blog/at-my-wits-end-with-my-fiance-how-much-more-do-i-have-to-take/comment-page-1/#comment-2139 xangel4godx Fri, 07 May 2010 13:46:36 +0000 http://tallbabes.com/blog/at-my-wits-end-with-my-fiance-how-much-more-do-i-have-to-take/#comment-2139 sounds like you are having a bit of trouble here is a bit of advice. It is important to have respect both ways. It seems as you respect him in many ways and after two years of marriage with my wife I can tell you there is no way to respect your significant other in all ways. You just have to respect that they are who they are and make the choice if you can stand it. About the myspace thing: My wife got on to me about it too. But the end conclusion was that I was looking but I wasn't touching nor was I considering touching and as long as I didn't touch everything was cool. However, noticing that it was upsetting her I wasn't going to do it again because I loved her too much to have her upset over something that was my doing so maybe your significant other needs to get his perspectives and priorities straight. About the violent streak. Perhaps he is telling the truth about his behavior only being different towards you. In which case this is a very BAD thing. You don't want a man that is going to be violent towards you especially if you are going to marry him. But I bet he does love you its just he doesn't know how to handle a few things when it comes to what you say and how you act. Not to say you are in the wrong here. He is CLEARLY in the wrong. Nothing justifies getting that angry in an argument. I suggest you go see a premarital counselor and try and work things out and if it doesn't seem like its meant to be then I say run for the hills. If he continues to refuse counseling then you need to give him an ultimatum and tell him that this is the only thing that is going to keep you around and if he refuses this time, its time to pack your things and move on. About his drinking: 1. Drinking is no place for a family so do not encourage it. That is wrong on your part. No matter how nice he is in that state eventually its not going to be that way. 2. Perhaps if he has stopped drinking recently *being within the last six months* he is going through some withdrawals. That could be a reason why he is acting out. All in all, if you aren't happy hon you should leave. Give it a shot if you think there is a chance of salvaging your engagement but from what I see, he is just too overbearing and controlling. Perhaps he is too immature for the type of relationship you are seeking. Like I said these are the things you need to do: 1. Give him that Ultimatum. Counseling or you leave that very next instant after he refuses. 2. Try not to be so combative with him. I understand that he is doing the fighting but if you keep your voice calm perhaps he will lower his and you can talk rationally. 3. Sit him down when he is not busy doing something so he can't be pissed for you interrupting him. Talk to him and ask him how he feels about you. Tell him how you feel about him. Then ask him what you do to make him angry and then tell him what he does to make you angry. Talk it out in a very patient and calm manner there is no need to get into a heated argument in this situation. 4. In that conversation. You have to accept that everything he is telling you is the truth and let him know that anything he says you will believe because that is how he feels. On the same respects, he has to accept that everything that you say is true as well because that is how you feel. 5. Remember calm and cool. Keep your anger suppressed and don't let it get the best of you even when its getting the best of him. You have to show him that you aren't going to get riled by his insults. 6. If all else fails, pack your things and live at your mothers until you get on your feet or if it is your house kick his *** out and have your mother come stay with you for a while. Hope this helped. sounds like you are having a bit of trouble here is a bit of advice.

It is important to have respect both ways.

It seems as you respect him in many ways and after two years of marriage with my wife I can tell you there is no way to respect your significant other in all ways. You just have to respect that they are who they are and make the choice if you can stand it.

About the myspace thing:

My wife got on to me about it too. But the end conclusion was that I was looking but I wasn’t touching nor was I considering touching and as long as I didn’t touch everything was cool.

However, noticing that it was upsetting her I wasn’t going to do it again because I loved her too much to have her upset over something that was my doing so maybe your significant other needs to get his perspectives and priorities straight.

About the violent streak.

Perhaps he is telling the truth about his behavior only being different towards you. In which case this is a very BAD thing. You don’t want a man that is going to be violent towards you especially if you are going to marry him.

But I bet he does love you its just he doesn’t know how to handle a few things when it comes to what you say and how you act.

Not to say you are in the wrong here. He is CLEARLY in the wrong. Nothing justifies getting that angry in an argument. I suggest you go see a premarital counselor and try and work things out and if it doesn’t seem like its meant to be then I say run for the hills.

If he continues to refuse counseling then you need to give him an ultimatum and tell him that this is the only thing that is going to keep you around and if he refuses this time, its time to pack your things and move on.

About his drinking:

1. Drinking is no place for a family so do not encourage it. That is wrong on your part. No matter how nice he is in that state eventually its not going to be that way.

2. Perhaps if he has stopped drinking recently *being within the last six months* he is going through some withdrawals. That could be a reason why he is acting out.

All in all, if you aren’t happy hon you should leave. Give it a shot if you think there is a chance of salvaging your engagement but from what I see, he is just too overbearing and controlling. Perhaps he is too immature for the type of relationship you are seeking.

Like I said these are the things you need to do:

1. Give him that Ultimatum. Counseling or you leave that very next instant after he refuses.

2. Try not to be so combative with him. I understand that he is doing the fighting but if you keep your voice calm perhaps he will lower his and you can talk rationally.

3. Sit him down when he is not busy doing something so he can’t be pissed for you interrupting him. Talk to him and ask him how he feels about you. Tell him how you feel about him. Then ask him what you do to make him angry and then tell him what he does to make you angry. Talk it out in a very patient and calm manner there is no need to get into a heated argument in this situation.

4. In that conversation. You have to accept that everything he is telling you is the truth and let him know that anything he says you will believe because that is how he feels. On the same respects, he has to accept that everything that you say is true as well because that is how you feel.

5. Remember calm and cool. Keep your anger suppressed and don’t let it get the best of you even when its getting the best of him. You have to show him that you aren’t going to get riled by his insults.

6. If all else fails, pack your things and live at your mothers until you get on your feet or if it is your house kick his *** out and have your mother come stay with you for a while.

Hope this helped.

]]> By: Caught Inbetween http://tallbabes.com/blog/at-my-wits-end-with-my-fiance-how-much-more-do-i-have-to-take/comment-page-1/#comment-2138 Caught Inbetween Fri, 07 May 2010 11:30:50 +0000 http://tallbabes.com/blog/at-my-wits-end-with-my-fiance-how-much-more-do-i-have-to-take/#comment-2138 While I am having my own problems of which I can't seem to solve on my own, I can tell you one thing out of personal experiance. WALK AWAY NOW! Even if it is just with the clothes off of your back. I was left with no other choice to do this when I found out my husband, (if you want to call him that) of 10 years was doing crystal meth and I never knew. I was pregnant with twins, had 1 year old twins and was working FULL-TIME commuting 4 hours a day. I have NO REGRETS. As a matter of fact, it was the BEST CHOICE I ever made with starting with this loser to begin with. TRUST ME, it WILL NOT GET BETTER, it never does. I wish you and your daughter the strength to do so. While I am having my own problems of which I can’t seem to solve on my own, I can tell you one thing out of personal experiance. WALK AWAY NOW! Even if it is just with the clothes off of your back. I was left with no other choice to do this when I found out my husband, (if you want to call him that) of 10 years was doing crystal meth and I never knew. I was pregnant with twins, had 1 year old twins and was working FULL-TIME commuting 4 hours a day. I have NO REGRETS. As a matter of fact, it was the BEST CHOICE I ever made with starting with this loser to begin with. TRUST ME, it WILL NOT GET BETTER, it never does. I wish you and your daughter the strength to do so.

]]> By: Alexis C http://tallbabes.com/blog/at-my-wits-end-with-my-fiance-how-much-more-do-i-have-to-take/comment-page-1/#comment-2137 Alexis C Fri, 07 May 2010 00:13:03 +0000 http://tallbabes.com/blog/at-my-wits-end-with-my-fiance-how-much-more-do-i-have-to-take/#comment-2137 Don't marry him. Don’t marry him.

]]> By: sugar.spyce http://tallbabes.com/blog/at-my-wits-end-with-my-fiance-how-much-more-do-i-have-to-take/comment-page-1/#comment-2136 sugar.spyce Thu, 06 May 2010 22:29:36 +0000 http://tallbabes.com/blog/at-my-wits-end-with-my-fiance-how-much-more-do-i-have-to-take/#comment-2136 You need to stand your ground. You are trying to best and he has no right to call you a wh0re, or call you worthless. What do you imagine as your married life? He is right in a sense that this is your mom's home, but what about tomorrow when you are not living with her. It might roll out of control and your mom won't be around to stop anything. You mom is being understanding and basically helping you AND him out. If you two want to be married, you need to become mature adults and by what you have explained, he is a fcuking teenager! Who goes on mySpace nowadays and comments on ex-gf's half ***** pictures? No respectable self-worthing man would do that. Tell him you don't like it and that's that. Don't give in, stand up. You have nothing to loose. You have your mum, your lovely daughter and life seems to be going well for you (especially getting rid of bad influences *thumbs up*), and soon you will find a job and settle in. But he is laid off and if anything he is going to loose you and your support. Trust me, from what you are saying it seems you can do a LOT better than him and he will be the one at loss. I think you think think baout this with complete logic. Your daughter's life is attached to your's. So make a smart choice and carry on. You need to stand your ground. You are trying to best and he has no right to call you a wh0re, or call you worthless. What do you imagine as your married life? He is right in a sense that this is your mom’s home, but what about tomorrow when you are not living with her. It might roll out of control and your mom won’t be around to stop anything. You mom is being understanding and basically helping you AND him out. If you two want to be married, you need to become mature adults and by what you have explained, he is a fcuking teenager! Who goes on mySpace nowadays and comments on ex-gf’s half ***** pictures? No respectable self-worthing man would do that. Tell him you don’t like it and that’s that. Don’t give in, stand up. You have nothing to loose. You have your mum, your lovely daughter and life seems to be going well for you (especially getting rid of bad influences *thumbs up*), and soon you will find a job and settle in. But he is laid off and if anything he is going to loose you and your support. Trust me, from what you are saying it seems you can do a LOT better than him and he will be the one at loss.
I think you think think baout this with complete logic. Your daughter’s life is attached to your’s. So make a smart choice and carry on.

]]> By: *karamel gurl* http://tallbabes.com/blog/at-my-wits-end-with-my-fiance-how-much-more-do-i-have-to-take/comment-page-1/#comment-2135 *karamel gurl* Tue, 04 May 2010 16:47:05 +0000 http://tallbabes.com/blog/at-my-wits-end-with-my-fiance-how-much-more-do-i-have-to-take/#comment-2135 My bf said he is a loser and you derserve better My bf said he is a loser and you derserve better

]]> By: iyamacog http://tallbabes.com/blog/at-my-wits-end-with-my-fiance-how-much-more-do-i-have-to-take/comment-page-1/#comment-2134 iyamacog Mon, 03 May 2010 05:49:06 +0000 http://tallbabes.com/blog/at-my-wits-end-with-my-fiance-how-much-more-do-i-have-to-take/#comment-2134 Your mom is putting a roof over his head, and he's bitching about YOU? Think hard on this one. YOU do NOT need HIM! He's your fiance`. NOT your husband. Send him packing to mooch off his x. Your concern is YOU, your child, and your mom. He is NOT included in that picture! Please start off 2009 with a new life, minus him. Good Luck! Your mom is putting a roof over his head, and he’s bitching about YOU?
Think hard on this one. YOU do NOT need HIM!
He’s your fiance`. NOT your husband. Send him packing to mooch off his x. Your concern is YOU, your child, and your mom. He is NOT included in that picture!
Please start off 2009 with a new life, minus him.
Good Luck!

]]> By: Prodigalchild http://tallbabes.com/blog/at-my-wits-end-with-my-fiance-how-much-more-do-i-have-to-take/comment-page-1/#comment-2133 Prodigalchild Fri, 30 Apr 2010 13:25:07 +0000 http://tallbabes.com/blog/at-my-wits-end-with-my-fiance-how-much-more-do-i-have-to-take/#comment-2133 Girlfriend, he has abuser tendencies. You don't need that kind of grief. It's your mom's house. I'm surprised she has picked up ya'll-z dysfunctional-ness. I mean, what does she think? Does she even care? He needs to go. Plus, your mom is good for allowing you and your non-husband to lay up in her house. You said you've had bruises. Kick him to the curb before it gets any worse. Girlfriend, he has abuser tendencies. You don’t need that kind of grief. It’s your mom’s house. I’m surprised she has picked up ya’ll-z dysfunctional-ness. I mean, what does she think? Does she even care?

He needs to go. Plus, your mom is good for allowing you and your non-husband to lay up in her house. You said you’ve had bruises. Kick him to the curb before it gets any worse.

]]> By: hope i can assist you http://tallbabes.com/blog/at-my-wits-end-with-my-fiance-how-much-more-do-i-have-to-take/comment-page-1/#comment-2132 hope i can assist you Wed, 28 Apr 2010 19:57:21 +0000 http://tallbabes.com/blog/at-my-wits-end-with-my-fiance-how-much-more-do-i-have-to-take/#comment-2132 I don't have much experience with this, but here is what i think. If he treats you like that, you don't need him. If you are not happy now, it probably wont get better if you are married. You should have to be happy all the time just so that he wont yell. And if those people really were your friends, he shouldn't get to tell you that you cant hang out with them. you can do what you want with your life. And he should take care of your daughter because he will be the step father soon and she will be his responsibility too. I think that you should sit down with him and tell him what you think about your relationship and how he treats you and what has to change. Oh, and you should tell him how you feel about his ex who keeps popping up in his life when she is unwanted. I don’t have much experience with this, but here is what i think. If he treats you like that, you don’t need him. If you are not happy now, it probably wont get better if you are married. You should have to be happy all the time just so that he wont yell. And if those people really were your friends, he shouldn’t get to tell you that you cant hang out with them. you can do what you want with your life. And he should take care of your daughter because he will be the step father soon and she will be his responsibility too. I think that you should sit down with him and tell him what you think about your relationship and how he treats you and what has to change. Oh, and you should tell him how you feel about his ex who keeps popping up in his life when she is unwanted.

]]> By: tammee http://tallbabes.com/blog/at-my-wits-end-with-my-fiance-how-much-more-do-i-have-to-take/comment-page-1/#comment-2131 tammee Wed, 28 Apr 2010 17:10:33 +0000 http://tallbabes.com/blog/at-my-wits-end-with-my-fiance-how-much-more-do-i-have-to-take/#comment-2131 This is supposed to be the honeymoon stage. I think all the buzzers and warning lights are going off in your head. If you marry this creep, he will end up treating you even worse. If you feel badly now, just wait!!! Also, you can't start a relationship living with your parent. That isn't fair to anybody. Move if you can't find work. It's better than not having any independence. It *****!!! The two of you need to stop blaming each other and get your lives together. Either that or get on with your own life but it's time to take control.!!! This is supposed to be the honeymoon stage. I think all the buzzers and warning lights are going off in your head. If you marry this creep, he will end up treating you even worse. If you feel badly now, just wait!!! Also, you can’t start a relationship living with your parent. That isn’t fair to anybody. Move if you can’t find work. It’s better than not having any independence. It *****!!! The two of you need to stop blaming each other and get your lives together. Either that or get on with your own life but it’s time to take control.!!!

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