A federal office worker finds a lamp in an old file drawer . . . 
. . . and as he examines it a genie pops out. For his first of three traditional wishes, he wants to be on a beautiful deserted Island. Poof! There he is.
Next, of course, he wants the gorgeous babes, and Poof! There they are.
Finally, he realizes he must sustain this great life and wishes he would never have to work.
Poof! He’s back at the office.
====
In the bathroom, an accountant, a lawyer and a cowboy were standing side-by-side using the urinal.
The accountant finished, zipped up and started washing and literally scrubbing his hands… clear up to his elbows…. he used about 20 paper towels before he finished. He turned to the other two men and commented, “I graduated from the University of Nebraska and they taught us to be sanitary.”
The lawyer finished, zipped up and quickly wet the tips of his fingers, grabbed one paper towel and commented, “I graduated from the University of California and they taught us to be environmentally conscious.”
The cowboy zipped up and as he was walking out the door said, “I graduated from the University of Iowa and they taught us not to *** on our hands.
====
In an American history discussion group, the professor was trying to explain . . .
. . . how societies ideal of beauty changes with time. “For example, he said, “take the 1921 Miss America. She stood five ft., one inch tall, weighed 108 pounds and had measurements of 30-25-32. How do you think she’d do in today’s version of the contest?”

The class fell silent for a moment. Then one student piped up, “Not very well.”

”Why is that?” Asked the professor.

”For one thing,” the student pointed out, “She’d be way too old.”
===
By the time the sailor pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken.
“You’ve got to have a room somewhere,” he pleaded. “Or just a bed, I don’t care where.”
“Well, I do have a double room with one occupant – an Air Force guy,” admitted the manager, “and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I’m not sure it’d be worth it to you.”
“No problem,” the tired Navy man assured him. “I’ll take it.”
The next morning the sailor came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. “How’d you sleep?” asked the manager.
“Never better.”
The manager was impressed. “No problem with the other guy snoring?”
“Nope, I shut him up in no time” said the Navy guy.
“How’d you manage that?” asked the manager.
“He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room,” the sailor explained.
“I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, and said, ‘Goodnight, beautiful,’ and he sat up all night watching me.